i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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