At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
