You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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