So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
