Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
