the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
