did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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