OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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