If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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