I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
