What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
