Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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