i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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