You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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