Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize