Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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