new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize