somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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