He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
