so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
