Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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