There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
