hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
