false alarm. still invincible.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
