So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
