hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
