my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize