My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
