We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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