So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
