ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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