I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
