Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
