I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize