yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
