Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
