Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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