I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
