I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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