We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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