I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is Oprah even human
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
