I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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