I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
