I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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