I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
