They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
