He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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