community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize