So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
