The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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