Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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