I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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