yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
