u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
