He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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