Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize