yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
