I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
