I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize