her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
