we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
