Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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