My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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