Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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