Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize