He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
