i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
