Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
