Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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