So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
