i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
