been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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