I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
