i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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