I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
