Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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