I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
