you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
