He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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